One of the joys of marrying someone after a only a few months of knowing them is that you keep discovering basic things about each other during the first year of wedded bliss. Some of these discoveries are random, like when Aaron found out I can’t have a fancy phone case because my fingernails are too weak to open the charging port. Some of these discoveries are hysterical, like when I found out that Aaron had a bowl cut that was parted down the middle when he was in high school. And some of these discoveries make you cock your head and say, “Wait, what?”, like when Aaron found out that I believe in psychic mediums and astrology.

I’m a Cancer, by the way. It matters.

During Fleet Week, Aaron and I had lunch with my best friend/Maid of Honor, and all three of us learned something we didn’t know about each other: We all believe in aliens!

alien gif

I’m sorry, but there’s just no freaking way that no other living creatures inhabit this giant, mostly-undiscovered universe. Part of me wonders why they weren’t mentioned in The Bible, but then I realize that I don’t need the answers to everything. I’m sure the Big Guy Upstairs had his reasons for such omissions. Some critics might see this as reason to delegitimize Christianity, but I just figure there wasn’t enough room on ancient scrolls to talk about things that have no bearing on our day-to-day lives. And while I do believe in aliens, I don’t think they’re an immediate threat. So thank you, God and his team of writers, for not directly adding more anxiety to our lives with explicit warnings about extraterrestrial life in The Bible.

Okay, moving on from where aliens fit in with my spiritual beliefs.

People assume that if there are aliens out there, they’re probably smarter than us. True, humans can be pretty stupid at times, like when baby humans crawl into gorilla cages and grown humans jump out of airplanes as a form of entertainment. Heck, we don’t even know how to successfully breed without pissing off the majority of our potential mates. Ah, dating.

Despite a whole lot of Stupid running around our planet, though, we’re not that dumb, you guys. I mean, I’m typing this on a machine that takes the thoughts I have in my head and displays them on a machine that is attached to some interweb thing that honestly feels a lot like magic, and then all of you get to read what was in my brain. Sometimes it takes less than 5 seconds for that whole process to take place (see: Twitter). Not too shabby.

Oh, and we’ve landed on the moon, invented electricity, and can even remove hair from our bodies with a laser. Take that, aliens!

I do want to point out that the way humans have portrayed aliens in movies, however, is probably insanely inaccurate. Obviously, we project all of our senses onto alien life because we don’t know how to interpret our own surroundings without sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, but the odds that aliens have the same senses as us are very slim– at least in my humble my opinion.

Aliens probably have no eyes or limbs or whatever else we consider necessary. I mean, maybe they do. Or maybe they’re made up of a matter completely different than our own, like that goo in The Secret World of Alex Mack. Since we have no way of knowing, I personally like to imagine that they look like a Sulley from Monster’s Inc. Just big, squish-able love bears. Not exactly creative on the human senses front, but it’d make me really happy.

sulley monsters inc

I don’t think aliens are smarter than us or have any intention of attacking our planet. They probably don’t know we exist, either. And if they do, they probably want nothing to do with us. Sure, our planet is pretty and stuff, but their survival needs most likely can’t be found here, so it’s not like they need to hijack our resources. Plus, I highly doubt they’d want to show up and be blown to smithereens, which is basically what humans do to anyone or anything that they don’t understand.

I have nothing but fond thoughts and well-wishes for our fellow universe-dwellers. I hope they’re having a nice time on their planet(s). I hope they get to experience love and fried food and music. I hope they never get sunburnt or heartbroken or develop an allergy to gluten.

Most importantly, I hope they read this and see that I don’t think they’re scary and evil, and therefore decide to spare my life if they do decide to take over Earth.

I come in peace.