There’s a word for being overly invested in the romantic chemistry between two non-dating people on T.V. I’ve mentioned it once before on this blog, though you’d have to do some serious digging in the archives. I’ll save you the trouble. This word is “shipping.”
Used in a sentence: I shipped Bachelor Ben and Lauren B like crazy.
I assume that “ship” is derived from “relationship.” But who knows. According to Google, it was originally used when you wanted two people in your video game to hook up. Weird, but okay.
Anyway, over the years, I have shipped embarrassingly hard for dozens of non-couple duos on television, even to the point of literally tearing up when I imagine how happy they’d be together. If you haven’t believed me up to this point when I’ve repeated on this blog that I have deep emotional issues, I would hope you believe me now.
So, who have I shipped on..for..(how does this word work in a sentence, exactly?) without control or restraint, and yet the pair never ended up together? (Much to my dismay.) I’ll tell ya:
10. Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell: American Idol
These two will always be King and Queen of Celebrity Judges. While Blake Shelton and Adam Levine are indeed, another TV-singing-competition judging duo that I ship, Paula and Simon will always have my heart. Have you ever seen so much adorable banter? Have you ever witnessed more secret glances of unspoken affection? The kind, sweet, loving Paula paired with the salty, pompous, sarcastic Simon who has a hard exterior, but a heart of gold…ugh, they were the modern day, middle-aged Lizzie Bennet and Mr. Darcy. American Idol crumbled without them.
9. Julianne Potter and Michael O’Neal: My Best Friend’s Wedding
Sure, sure, Julianne (Julia Roberts) was a little hectic, but did anyone actually want Michael (Dermot Mulroney) to end up marrying
Cameron Diaz Kimberly Wallace? NO. Not even a little bit. Two hot best friends of the opposite sex are supposed to end up together. That’s just the way the world works.
8. Lacey Schwimmer and Kameron Bink: So You Think You Can Dance
Wayyyyyy back when, on Season 3 of So You Think You Can Dance (now on Season 13), Lacey Schwimmer was a contestant who influenced me to spend far too much money on tube socks and drawstring shorts. Lacey, a ballroom dancer, was partnered with Kameron Bink, a hip hop dancer, to perform a contemporary routine to the powerful song “Dancing” by Elisa. If you don’t want them to be together after watching this video, you have no heart. Also, one of my best friends and I got tipsy and listened to this hauntingly beautiful song on repeat, just crying silently next to each other. It’s fine.
*Fast forward to 2:35*
7. Jennifer Lawrence and Liam Hemsworth: Hunger Games but in real life
If you ever watch clips of interviews with these two on their Hunger Games promo tour, or see footage of them goofing around on the red carpet, you will have a new standard for #relationshipgoals. They claim to be the best of friends, which is dumb, because– as I mentioned– that means they’re supposed to be together. Even dumber is that Liam is apparently re-engaged to Miley Cyrus, who Jennifer Lawrence apparently hangs out with on occasion. Awkward love triangle…?
They get more than one .gif because I say so.
6. Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonnagal: Harry Potter
At some point in the book and/or movie, Dumbledore calls Professor McGonnagal by her first name, and the world stopped turning. “Minerva.” Everything froze, and for a moment, two upstanding and legendary hearts became one. JK Rowling claims Dumbledore was gay, but…whatever. Doesn’t matter. Raise your hand if you think Dumbledore and McGonnagall were a missed opportunity for wizarding royalty?
5. Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth: Game of Thrones
I think we can all agree that Brienne of Tarth is way too good for Jaime Lannister, but I thought that maybe– just maybe– she could turn him into someone we don’t hate. When she was escorting him back to wherever they were going on whatever long and violent journey that was happening that season, I was obsessed with their unlikely friendship. But like everything in Game of Thrones, nothing happened the way I wanted it to.
4. Lauren Conrad and Stephen Colletti: Laguna Beach, the Real O.C.
If you were Team Kristin, you’re not a good person. L.C. and Stephen were a high school dream. They were best friends before they started “liking” each other, and by now, we all know how I feel about that. If only L.C. had been as flashy as Kristin, she would’ve landed the guy. But high school boys are dumb, and Stephen let the wrong head do the talking. Actually, I don’t think we can blame his age. That seems to be a trend throughout the lives of most males.
3. Jesus and Mary Magdalene: The Bible
Please don’t feel like I’m being blasphemous or crude. I’m not suggesting that Jesus and Mary Magdalene had legit feelings for one another, but…if they did, I wouldn’t have hated it. I know Jesus wasn’t married and didn’t have sex, plus he was perfect, so I’m sure his thoughts of Mary Magdalene were totally pure. But if he wasn’t who he was, i.e. the literal son of God, something tells me these two would’ve been a match made in…Heaven. (That was brilliant.)
2. CT and Diem: MTV The Challenge
If you don’t know the love story between Chris Tamburello and Diem Brown, you don’t know one of the greatest love stories of our time. As with any great story of our time, it unfolded on reality television. CT was the bad boy from Boston. Diem was the bubbly blond who turned CT into a ball of mush. They met on a season of The Challenge when Diem was recovering from chemotherapy after a bout with ovarian cancer. The world watched as CT helped her regain her confidence as her hair began to grow back and she faced life as a cancer survivor. They dated for almost two years offscreen, then broke up because Diem wanted to focus on her career.
These two never got over each other, as you could see whenever they filmed new seasons of The Challenge on MTV, but never got back together before Diem was diagnosed with ovarian cancer for the third time, and eventually passed away at age 34. Rumor has it that CT proposed to her on her deathbed, but she laughed him off. The fact that these two didn’t end up together is awful in a million different ways.
1. Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Meryl Davis: Dancing with the Stars
I feel slightly guilty putting this couple on the list– especially as #1– now that Maks is happily engaged to Peta Murgatroyd, a woman who is way too hot to be as nice as she is. No matter my love for Peta, though, I can’t overlook the fact that Maks and Meryl are soulmates. I stayed up until 1 a.m. last night watching YouTube clips of them dance together on Season 18 of Dancing with the Stars, when they were partners and champions. I thought for sure they’d get together once the show ended, but they didn’t, and I’m sure that all fans of that season feel as betrayed and confused as I did (and still do, tbh).
Watching the soft-spoken Olympic gold figure skater, Meryl, completely hypnotize the cocky, yet brooding, Ukrainian ballroom loudmouth was probably the most satisfying and gut wrenchingly beautiful romance I’ve ever witnessed. The fact that they danced together like magic didn’t hurt either. Even one of the judges on the show started bawling during one of their performances and spilled, “I just think you two should get married!”
Not only did Meryl have this unbelievable way of melting Maks’ heart of stone, but she was also transformed by him, coming out of her shell and embracing her womanhood throughout the season. Do yourself a favor and spend 30 minutes of your life watching these two video compilations of Maks and Meryl on YouTube. Trust me– your heart will thank you. Plus you’ll see some amazing dancing. If you’re reading this at work and don’t have 30 minutes, A) Do it later tonight, B) I put a .gif at the bottom to tide you over.