I’m moving in with one of my close friends in a week, and she suggested this for a good coffee table book in our living room. I agree.

In three days, I’ll be closer to 30 years old than to 20. To quote every white girl right now: I literally can’t even.

Don’t worry, I don’t think 26 is over the hill. I also don’t think your 30s are equivalent to senior citizenship. If I did, I would always be dating old grandpas because I’m a big fan of the thirty-something male. And as usual, I digress.

Birthdays are strange simply because they serve as a yearly reminder that a significant amount of time has passed. The effect is the same as each New Year’s Eve, when everyone remembers where they were one year prior in amazement of how fast 12 months flew by. How is it possible that one year ago I was Miss New York, eating guacamole for my 25th birthday dinner in the Meatpacking District, and planning my move to DC? No, I don’t think I understand.

I almost started writing about my fascination with passing time, but I’ve written on that subject before, plus my mood just shifted in the last five minutes. I no longer have it in me to get into a really deep philosophical place. I’d prefer to start drinking wine and enjoying this beautiful weekend. With that shift in moods, now I’ll just list all the things I really want for my birthday- but the things I’m positive every person wants for their birthdays, too. The things in this world that really matter. Sorry I’m not sorry for another list. Maybe I’m going through a phase…? It’ll end soon, just like that time I enjoyed rum and cokes in college.

1. I want world peace. This isn’t a joke. I really wish everyone in the world would just get along, but that would mean the end of all cultural oppression and religion-driven violence, so I may have to hold out for a few more years never.

2.  I want someone to love me a crazy amount whom I also love a crazy amount (the lover kind of love, to be clear). This isn’t a sad or cliché desire (okay, maybe really cliché), but just the truth. If you don’t want this, you are a robot and/or should see a psychiatrist.

3. I want calorie-free cheese that tastes like the real stuff.

4. I want to be able to teleport to see all of my friends, no matter where they live, whenever I want.

5. I want to do what I love for money, or love what I do for money, whichever comes first.

6. I want to take a trip that changes the way I see the world, like the time I went dog sledding for 8 days or when I worked at the AIDS home in India. Every once in a while, it’s good to remember that the world is bigger than complicated relationships and Chipotle lines.

7. I want to laugh until I cry at least every other day.

8. I want to be able to dance and it look cool.

9. I want a back rub.

10. I want someone to cure cancer.

11. I want my new friends to become old friends.

12. I want to never, ever grow apart from my family.

13. I want people to be nicer drivers.

I chose 13 things because it’s half of 26 (in case you already forgot, that’s how old I’m turning). And because people are more drawn to odd numbers than to even numbers. And because the next thing I was going to write was that I want Hogwarts to be real, so I figured I should just stop while I’m ahead.