As far as making Miss America predictions this year, I wanted to get into it– I REALLY did, but after a week of replacing my living room floors, tracking Irma in hopes that my Coast Guard husband doesn’t end up in some Perfect Storm replay, attempting to sleep while a human lives inside of my belly, and discovering how much weight I’ve gained in the last 5 months, there’s just wayyyy too much #reallife happening to spend much energy formulating words to describe contestants who can’t remember what cheese or chocolate tastes like.

Still, because I’ve been pretty pleased with my prediction success in the last three years, I managed to put aside my bitterness about only being able to fit my right arm into my old evening gown, and make a list. So here we go.  (Formulated before prelims, just FYI.)

Apologies ahead of time that they’re in no particular order, because I forgot to alphabetize them before putting them on my blog, and I really don’t feel like reformatting. Nor are they in order of “best to worst” or vice versa. They’re honestly in order of who I randomly decided to look up and then jotted down on my list.

Last thing, last thing. Someone should’ve told NJ and WI that we wear red on Wednesdays.

**UPDATE, actual last thing: For the last 30 mins, I’ve been trying to figure out why my blog hates me and won’t let me put spaces between the names on my list, starting with Florida. I cannot figure it out, and my pregnancy is making me irrationally upset about it. Sorry that it’s not all nicely spaced out.

Alabama

alabama

I listened to a video of her singing with her father, and frankly, Dad would’ve been the best talent the Miss America stage has ever seen. Alas, his daughter is competing instead, but she has a very pretty vocal tone and probably a better body than him, so I expect to see her near the top of the pack. She’s also very natural when she speaks, which is great. I can’t handle Patties.

Texas

texas

She has the “it” factor. Talent is so-so, body is hot, but most importantly, she presents herself in a way that is energetic and relevant. She doesn’t feel canned at all. While sometimes I get the feeling that a few of these grown adult women still have their mom in the back of the room pantomiming their talent routines and reminding them to smile, Texas is the kind of girl who behaves like she actually knows how to make her own sandwich, ya know?

Pennsylvania

pa
PA for SURE makes her own sandwiches. She is super poised, but not stuffy, and doesn’t seem like she has to try too hard to sound eloquent when she speaks. I’m also super down with a girl who plays saxophone. She comes across older, which I like. (Not that she looks older, for the record.)
Florida
florida
I was first drawn to her because I can tell she doesn’t believe in hair extensions. Neither do I. When people throw around the word “fresh,” I imagine a face like Florida’s. I’ve gathered that she’s a strong pianist and also has strong abs, so I’m looking at a Top 5 placement. I couldn’t entirely tell if she’s a great speaker based on videos, but I’m hoping for the best. Maybe I have a soft spot for her since her state is about to get clobbered by Irma. We <3 you, Florida.
New Jersey
nj
She’s so cute you guys. I literally know nothing about her except that I want to be her friend when I watch her talk in videos. I can’t imagine that the judges will feel any differently.
South Carolina
sc
I’d be thrilled if she’d shed the news anchor hair– not literally, but you know what I mean. Still, she’s beautiful, talented, and probably has the best butt of the pageant. (Am I allowed to say that?) You can tell this girl is polished, and that will go a long way. Wouldn’t be at all surprised with a Top 5 finish.
Wisconsin
wisconsin
Having Wisconsin on this list is proof that I really did do my best to find little nuggets of intel on each girl before making this list. She seems to fly pretty under the radar, but the way she speaks in interviews gave me a sense of calm. Most of the time, titleholders are either super EXCITED when they talk, or like they’re aiming for a chill vibe. Neither of which are bad things, necessarily. But Wisconsin comes across like she forgets that she has a crown on her head while she’s speaking, and I think that’s rad. Plus she’s a legitimate ballerina. I think she’ll slip in there.
Illinois
illinois 4
SHE’S SO PRETTY OMG. Well-spoken, too. Couldn’t tell you a thing about her talent, but if you cut her hair into a pixie, she’d look JUST like Edward Cullen’s sister Alice, and I am all about it.
illinois 3

I mean, no?

 

Louisiana

la
She’s spunky and has a fantastic tan. Unlike Florida, she does believe in hair extensions, but I can get past it because she has a great smile and knows how to talk with her mouth closed. Yep, she’s a ventriloquist, and apparently really good at it. I love hot girls who do weird things, so obviously I can get on board with LA.
District of Columbia
dc
Don’t you like her just from this picture? I just feel like DC has more going on in life than pageantry, which is nice. She seems very very very normal. Washed up pregnant ex-beauty queens like me can’t help but root for normal. When she speaks, I want to listen. Simple as that. I also hear she has a quality singing voice, so that gives her a little boost, too.
BUBBLES
bubbles
Georgia
ga
Oklahoma
ok
Virginia
va
Arkansas
ar
North Carolina
north carolina
Alrighty, there you have it! I hope we see lots of Bachelor contestants in the audience rooting on their TV dad, Chris Harrison, as he hosts!
In case you’re wondering, the whole shabang happens tomorrow (Sunday), 9/8c on ABC.
Better late than never posting this list, OKAYYY?