All I want in life is to be a matchmaker.

And a blogger. And a singer. And a mom. And in shape.

But also a matchmaker.

I think that the satisfaction of helping two people fall madly in love would feed my soul like no other. We all know I love love, so why wouldn’t I be incredibly keen on the idea of creating more of it?? To make my desire even stronger is the fact that I, myself, was set up with my husband. It wasn’t a huge ordeal or anything, but one of our mutual friends thought to herself, “Hmm, this might work,” and invited him along to a party where she knew I’d be. Only Aaron knew it was a setup at the time, but whether one or both or no parties know about a setup is not the point. The point is that a third party facilitates the meeting, allowing for romance to blossom!

Ahhh, isn’t it beautiful.

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Actually, if I’m being honest, watching a flower bloom in fast motion kind of freaks me out a bit. I don’t like it. At all. Quick, scroll down.

Now, I don’t want to be the kind of matchmaker who searches the world to compile a pool of random eligible singles, then selects two of them to meet each other. No, no. This isn’t about clients and money to me. This is about love and a hint of self-satisfaction. I’m not ashamed to admit that I want to feel like a superior judge of character and personalities. With that in mind, I simply want to match people I already know authentically.

So far, I’ve yet to manage a proper setup. Getting two people to meet can be incredibly difficult, mostly due to location. I have friends all over, which means plenty of really top notch candidates. Unfortunately, no one is going to travel a few states just to go on a first date. I’ve actually been bugging two of my friends to meet for about a full year, but proximity is an issue. Good thing I’m a really annoying and persistent friend who won’t let either one of them forget that their soulmate is out there, and I’ve already shown them who it is, so it’s their fault they haven’t lived happily ever after yet. Like, obviously any other relationships you try to form are going to end in a breakup because DUH, you’re destined to end up with my friend over here.

It’s a good thing these two people love me. I’ll update you on their pending relationship once they get married.

My die-hard belief in a couple is what makes me such a great matchmaker, though! I’m not going to set my friends up with any ole person. No, no. I make sure they’re soulmates ahead of time. Unfortunately, for some strange reason, people tend to feel a lot of pressure when you tell them that you’ve found their soulmate.

I can’t imagine why.

Still, I’m amazed at how quickly people shoot down potential setups due to unwanted pressure, even if they don’t label their skepticism as such. They get so nervous about the prospect of meeting a guy that has been vetted for them that they become outrageously critical. It’s like people want all the credit for discovering Mr. Right, themselves, or they are kind of happy in their misery, too comfortable complaining about being single to actually take the leap to not be single. I swear, no one is nearly as critical of or fearful of rejection by a random dude on Tinder as they are by a setup. “I don’t know…he probably likes blondes.” “I don’t know…he’s one year older than my age bracket.” “His picture doesn’t look like he’s totally my type.”

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It’s really something. Do you really think “your type” is more important than a good friend who knows both of you well saying, “Hey, you two would really get along”? If I’ve learned anything in my short 28 years, it’s that my friends usually know me better than I know myself. Oh, and what I think I want is almost never what I find myself actually wanting. Stop sabotaging the potential relationship before it’s even given a legitimate chance. Reason #599 why I’ll never rarely show my victims subjects eachother’s pictures. No sense in creating unnecessary stigmas we all can’t help but to project onto people based on one stupid still photograph.

You’d think it’d be the guys who feel the most awkward about meeting a matchmaker’s choice, because they’re supposedly the ones who “don’t care that much” about finding a relationship. In reality, the opposite is true. Guys don’t worry half as much as women do about looking “desperate.” Guys are rarely called desperate, while women who show any signs of not wanting to die alone are labeled in such a manner. Therefore, the idea of meeting someone with the sole purpose of finding out if they’re truly a great match feels too forward.

Why this is any more forward than online dating is beyond me.

What everyone needs to remember here is that a matchmaker is willing to take any and all blame for instigating. No one has to look desperate, because you can just claim that your friend kept nagging you about it. [Side note: You shouldn’t fear looking desperate just because you don’t want to die alone. You’re only desperate if you start acting absolutely crazy.]

As you can gather, there’s a plethora of reasons why you should let me your friends play matchmaker in your love life. In case you haven’t been digesting what you’re reading, let me spell it out for you, plus a few extras thrown in for good measure:

  • Your friends know you better than you know yourself
    • Remember, you rarely want what you think you want
  • You can be much more confident that the person isn’t a serial killer
  • Conversation will come much more easily since you have a mutual friend that can serve as a topic of conversation (in my case, who I am as a person provides plenty of material)
  • Your friend doesn’t want to fail, so they wouldn’t set you up without feeling very confident
  • Neither one of you has to look desperate, because a third party is being the instigator
  • If things don’t work out, you can have fun giving the matchmaker a hard time for years to come
  • WHY THE HECK NOT

Just do it. Go for the gold. Don’t make excuses as to why you think it won’t work. Just listen to your friends. And watch out, world, my matchmaking wheels are about to go into overdrive. Muhahahahahahaha.

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