Sleeping is one of my Top 5 favorite activities, along with drinking wine, writing, cuddling, and giving high fives.
Unfortunately, I’m pretty bad at the whole sleeping thing, despite my appreciation for it. I can’t fall asleep sitting up or in public (other than the one time I fell asleep on the NYC subway…that was fun). I don’t sleep deeply. I wake up all the time and usually can’t fall back asleep because I’m afraid of the dark, so my mind goes insane in the middle of the night. I need the right amount of blankets and pillows. I can’t be touching someone, but I do sleep better with my husband nearby. I can’t have socks on. My hair needs to be off my neck, but not in a hair tie (tricky). I want zero light or noise.
Basically, I’m a really high maintenance sleeper, which means that although I attempt to get a lot of sleep by going to bed early (#grannylife), I rarely feel completely well-rested. This is a particularly challenging issue since I won’t be in my own bed until June 4th. But I guess I did that to myself…
My sleeping issues aside (which have nothing to do with how wonderful my hosts make my sleeping arrangements during this crazy road trip– and I’m grateful for each one), I’ve begun to notice something kind of funny about people’s beds: Covers actually say a lot about the person sleeping in them.
Upon that discovery, I’ve decided to write down this very reliable and scientific relation between bed covers and personalities:
I grew up with a comforter on my bed. To me, a comforter is a classic, and so are the people in them. I’m not talking pearls, little black dresses, and sophisticated “classic”– I mean down-to-earth, hard-working, yet appreciates the basic comforts of life “classic.”
Someone with a comforter likes sleepovers and long hugs and the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. They’re a family-first kind of person with a knack for DIY projects, which they only have time for on the weekends. They know that life doesn’t need to be overly complicated, yet they care just enough about the little things to be dependable members of society. Comforter owners are rarely vegetarians or hard-core dieters, because they believe in the power of moderation. Comforters, after all, are the most moderate of the bed covers, but that’s what also makes them the most homey and welcoming.
Duvets are a treat. They have the most weight, the most fluff, and the most respect. Aaron and I got a duvet for our wedding, and now I feel like a queen whenever I crawl into bed. I almost feel like I’ve lost a little bit of my roots, so once in a while I remind myself of the good old days, when it was nothing by me, my comforter, and a cheap bottle of wine on the nightstand. They were simpler times.
Not all duvet-owners are snooty people, but all snooty people are duvet owners, if that makes any sense. Duvets mean you’ve begun to splurge on name brand shampoo and there’s probably a Brita in your refrigerator. Not everything you own is necessarily nice, but you probably wish it was. Duvets mean you’re a fantastic host or hostess, and you never shy away from experimental blue cheeses. You’re sophisticated and smart, but not too wild, as seen by the fact that you highly value your sleep. Royals, like Princess Anna and Princess Kate, definitely use duvets. To be honest, I’m kind of a duvet poser, because I think I’m still a comforter girl at my core. Fake it ’til you make it!
Quilt-lovers are the most interesting people you’ll ever meet. They’re incredibly low maintenance and always value the environment. They’re independent, as seen by they don’t need to be wrapped up in anything fluffy while they rest. They don’t sleep for pleasure, they sleep for fuel.
When someone has a quilt on their bed, I know that they’re not easily bothered. They’re deep sleepers and will share a bed with anyone (non-sexually). They’re free spirits whose feathers are not easily ruffled, and you’ll never find tear stains on their pillows. These people eat cheerios every morning, and prefer public transportation, walking, or biking over driving. Quilt people make me feel totally comfortable being myself, even if I don’t totally understand them, and they don’t totally understand me.
Quilt sleepers are the subtle glue of mankind.
People who use multiple blankets as their main cover are kind of spastic sleepers, and more often than not, pretty spastic in real life, as well. Blanket-dwellers tend to be single, and sleep in their makeup 100% of the time. Usually they’re night owls, and they don’t care what the bed looks or feels like as long as it’s a place for them to fling their bodies after a good party. These people Netflix & Chill (in the literal sense) all the time, often times dragging their blankets from the bed to the couch, then back to the bed. They definitely never make their bed, but it doesn’t matter because no one will see it except for them.
I don’t want you to think I’m putting down blanket-dwellers, though. Absolutely not. Multiple blankets imply multiple levels of fun, and these folks truly value a good time. People who love blankets are funny, nonjudgemental, and tend to be very good-looking. Not sure why that’s the case, but I swear it’s true. Blanket-dwellers love life, and that’s all that really matters at the end of the day.
Good morning, and good night, everyone!