I know I should be more worried about nutrients than calories and more concerned with health than weight and blahblahblah, but you know what? Sometimes I want to eat crappy food AND be skinny. Sue me.
I’m not advocating for a diet full of sugar and “bad” fat (what’s the difference anyway? “Good” fat still goes to my hips, so I’m definitely not going to give it an award for being that great or anything), but if once in a while you want to eat a mound of chili cheese fries and wash it down with a root beer float, I say go for it. If you do that every day, you’ll end up in muumuus and your heart will likely stop working, so please limit such binges to every other month—if not to feel better about yourself, then at least to save us all the headache of hearing you complain about your flabby arms and the cost of gas to get to your funeral.
Sometimes it’s less about craving mounds of food, and more about craving specific junk foods. I call it the Nothing Sounds Appetizing Right Now Except Velveeta Syndrome. Here are 10 foods that will definitely clog your arteries (minus #6), but also won’t make you fat as quickly as you might suspect:
- Krispy Kreme Donuts– 190 calories
- A single, original glazed donut from Krispy Kreme is only 190 calories. You can have 2 and still come in way under a bagel with any sort of spread.
- Nachos Supreme from Taco Bell– 440 calories
- Honestly, I would’ve thought this bowl of chips and cheese and beef would be like, 800 calories. Not so. You can eat this bad boy for lunch and it’s actually fewer calories than your average turkey sandwich. Yo quiero.
- Bacon Double Cheeseburger from Burger King– 390 calories
- Just forego the french fries, and you’re looking at dinner that is fewer calories than a plain chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-a, and a one-way ticket to skinny fat, which is at least a notch better than fat fat.
- Movie popcorn– 225 calories
- Even though this is for a small popcorn, a “small” at movie theatres is still pretty freaking big. And considering it tastes like you’re eating 45 sticks of butter, I call 225 calories a win.
- Wine– 120 calories
- This is not a food, but [obviously] I’m making an exception. While a glass of white is 120 calories more than water, it is only 8 calories more than a cup of orange juice. So basically, you’re choosing between OJ with breakfast and wine with dinner. Don’t be an idiot.
- Shrimp– 7 calories
- We all know shrimp is the “light” choice, but 7 calories each? I am never asking for chicken or fish on my salad ever again. Shrimp only. It’s like eating little nuggets of air.
- Meringue Cookie– 10 calories
- Yes, meringue cookies usually fall somewhere between Styrofoam and chalk on the consistency scale, but it’s still a cookie. For 10 calories. Do with that information what you will.
- Bowl of Broccoli Cheddar Soup from Panera– 330 calories
- I would imagine a soup made up of mostly cheese and cream to be equivalent to eating an entire mini-wheel of brie cheese. (800 calories in case you were wondering…) Fortunately, a full-size bowl is less than most smoothies from Tropical Smoothie. Cheese>fruit.
- Apple Pie– 277 calories
- I mean, it’s not great, but a slice of apple pie is literally half the calories of a slice of pecan pie or key lime pie (500+ calories). And in the grand scheme of things on Thanksgiving, 277 calories doesn’t scare me much. You’ll probably be eating at least half of that just in gravy.
- Cottage cheese– 222 calories
- For something that looks exactly like cellulite, 222 for a full cup is pretty phenomenal. It fills you up, satisfies your inevitable cheese craving, and is lower cal than a standard cup of yogurt.
Bring on the comments that I should care more about nutrition! I do care about health, I promise. That’s why I purposefully wave to people at the gym just so there is proof that I go. But if I can eat horrible foods sometimes while still maintaining the ability to ride roller coasters at Busch Gardens, no one can make me feel that bad about it.