It’s been a hot minute since I put together a fun little Never/Always list, and as an old coworker brought to my attention today, Generation grannY is due for a light-hearted piece. Not that getting engaged wasn’t a light-hearted topic, but considering that post was like a full chapter of War and Peace, I will concede to writing something a little more conducive for a five-minute work break.

That being said, thanks to the 2,000+ people who thought our engagement story was worth reading. I know most of you probably read the first two paragraphs and then scrolled down to the pictures, but you still get a silver star. Bronze stars to those of you who literally looked at the picture of the ring and that’s it. Gold stars to people who read the whole thing.

stars

I googled “gold stars” and this popped up with my name on it. Obviously needed to be on the blog. #shannonZ

Onto Never/Always. Since most blog-readers use sites like Generation grannY as procrastination tools for work, school, laundry, actually getting out of your seat to go to the bathroom, etc., I thought a procrastination list would be pretty appropriate.

11 Procrastination Techniques I’ll ALWAYS Put to Use

11 Procrastination Techniques I’ll NEVER Put to Use

Starting with Always because—let’s be honest—it’s way easier to come up with this list. I have probably 100 procrastination tools that I employ during any given week.

ALWAYS:

1. Social media. I’ll get this obvious one out of the way. It’s weird how much I love looking at people’s pictures, but so does everyone, so don’t even try to judge me.

2. Betcheslovethis.com. If you are over the age of 35 and/or easily offended, I implore you to not visit this site. If you are a millennial and understand the concept of satire, this website is gold.

3. The Skimm. Everything you need to know about current events, all dumbed down for young professionals who may/may not have been liberal arts majors.

4. Google Calendar. Maybe it’s just me, but I get really into updating my calendar so I can see exactly what I’m doing for the next week/month. In case you can’t tell by my wedding updates on Facebook, I’m a planner.

5. Eating. Duh.

6. Counting calories. It’s only appropriate that this piggybacks #5. Nutrition Calculators are my best friend/worst enemy.

7. Wikipedia. Another obvious choice. Today I Googled Jeffrey Dahmer because that Katy Perry/Nicki Minaj song came on the radio. I regret doing so.

8. Online shopping. I mostly window-shop because #Poor, but it’s pretty entertaining to put together a perfect outfit like you’re Cher in Clueless.

clueless-closet

 

9. Staring at my finances. Sometimes I pull up my bank account info and just stare at the screen in hopes that each time I blink, more money will appear. Like looking in an empty fridge for 10 minutes in hopes you’ll see something you missed.

10. Walking around aimlessly. It may look like an intentional walk, but don’t be fooled.

11. Daydreaming. Sometimes I can have real adventures and fully played-out conversations all in my head. It’s a good time.

NEVER:

1. Working out. I like working out—don’t get me wrong—but I’m not one of those people who uses the gym to procrastinate. Quite the opposite actually.

2. Going to the bathroom. Unlike some people who employ this as a way to kill time, I view it as real inconvenience.

3. Social media wars. I like looking at pictures, but don’t count me in for spending hours debating with people over politics or posting bitter things about my ex. No time/energy for that. Check yourself.

4. Apps. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, apps are not for grannies. Angry Birds? Why are the birds angry? They can fly! They should all be happy.

5. Radio. I know people who turn on NPR or podcasts to procrastinate. That’s probably a pretty informed/smart thing to do, but I choose procrastination techniques that are far less respectable.

6. Coffee breaks. Not an option for non-coffee drinkers like myself. Iced tall soy chai, please.

7. YouTube. I will miss any/all references to popular YouTube videos. Sorry.

confused

8. Talking. This may seem odd coming from me, but I’m not really one to seek out fellow procrastinators to ease my pain. I’m a loner in this particular realm of life.

9. Cleaning. Some people start making piles and sanitizing surfaces in order to avoid doing real work. Nope.

10. Texting. I used to think texting was a fun procrastination tool, and then I realized that I end up procrastinating answering someone’s texts. Bad cycle.

11. Taking selfies. I guess some people spend time doing this…? I’ve mentioned it before, but I think my arm muscles are too weak to enjoy taking selfies.

 

Okay, your procrastination break is over! Hope you enjoyed it!