Everyone is weird. Do you know how I know that? Because of what pops up in Google searches. I’m here today to address a few of the questions I ran across that really seem to be plaguing the minds of Americans:

google-whatdoesitmean

To be an American: Pretend to Watch football, crave Chick-fil-a on Sundays, and gobble up sensationalized news.

When your nose itches: Someone is thinking of you and/or dust has landed on your nose.

To be in love: LOLOL how would I know?

google-whatisthebiggest

First three are boring, pass.

Biggest bra size: I seriously wonder about this nearly every day. Where do the letters stop? I’ve heard of triple H’s. Any I’s out there? I want to know.

google-whois

Sorry for the cursor on the screen. I know that’s going to drive you crazy.

Let’s take a moment to look at America’s priorities.

google-whyismy

Eye twitching: Good luck with that.

Internet slow: Oh, the irony of using Google to answer this question.

Period late: Proof that every girl out there thinks she is pregnant 1/4 of every year.

Poop green: This is apparently a relatively common issue..?

google-d

Daddy long legs/dogs: Boring, pass.

Dragons real: Such a muggle question.

Doritos gluten free: “Quick! Find out if I can eat these!” says the basic girl drunk on wine with late night munchies.

*This search ↑ “are d…” proved so interesting that the rest of the searches are snippets from using the same search format with every letter of the alphabet

google-j

Jews will always prove to be the most mysterious people on the planet.

Also, jeans are not business casual, you lazy millennials.

google-L

How is it possible that this is the first question that popped up? You guys are such freaks.

google-u

Unicorns and dragons…someone forgot to teach this generation what “fiction” means.

UFOs ≠ aliens

Question #3 confirms how basic our country has become.

Question #4 is from the same people who asked if jeans are business casual.

google-z

Ignore 1-3

Are zebras white with black stripes?

…really.

Keep being weird, America.