I know that lists are a lazy man’s blog post, but hey, we all get lazy. Lists won’t hurt anyone as long as no one forgets how to write a complete sentence at the end of the day. With that in mind, I have decided to start a new little installment of Generation grannY: The “Never/Always” series. My first edition will revolve around my favorite subject: food.

11 Foods on which I’ll NEVER Waste the Calories 

11 Foods on which I’ll ALWAYS Waste the Calories

Inevitably, you will not agree with all of these, but try not to get too offended. Also, if you agree with 100% of these and are a male between the ages of 25-35, please send me your phone number on the “Contact Me” page because we might be soul mates.

NEVER:

1. Macaroons. If I wanted something light and airy, I’d eat lettuce.

2. The tortilla at Chipotle. 300 calories just for the tortilla? Pass. Bowl please.

3. Heavy dressing. This makes a salad contain more calories than a burger. I’ll take the burger.

4. Twizzlers. I might as well go to the nearest playground and gnaw on the red slide.

5. Microwavable mac and cheese. Call me a mac and cheese snob if you want. Not offended.

6. Tough bread. Sure, I might burn calories just trying to tear it apart with my teeth, but still.

7. Generic ice cream. Unless it’s Ben & Jerry’s, Häagen-Dazs, or something reputable, it tastes like one big scoop of freezer burn.

8. Pretzels. I’m not even going to get into why. If you don’t understand, I can’t help you.

9. Raisins. Did you know that those tiny boxes have 130 calories? I’d rather have a cookie, thank you.

10. Mayonnaise. As great as a jar full of undisguised, white fat sounds…

11. Big, corporate muffins. 4-600 calories in your average blueberry muffin. Um.

muffin

ALWAYS:

1. Guacamole. Every day. No limit.

2. Peanut butter. In ice cream. On my banana. Straight from the jar. Any way you serve it, I’ll take it.

3. Meat. What can I say? Surf and turf, I like it all (well, not ALL- I’m not a sicko who eats horse).

4. Cheese and crackers. Brie. Gouda. Cheddar. Havarti. Pepper Jack. Muenster. I need to stop before I salivate on my computer.

5. Curry. If there’s Thai or Indian curry in the vicinity, count me in with a giant bowl of white rice.

6. Good chocolate. Sorry, Hershey’s, but you belong in list #1. Dove, you’ve stolen my heart (and my waist line).

7. Sushi. Piles and piles of sushi. You’re looking at about 300-500 calories per roll, but I’ll take a whole boat.

8. Focaccia bread. It’s like pizza, but makes you feel dainty and not quite as gluttonous.

9. Wedding cake. It’s a party and sometimes wedding cake tastes like love.

10. Mashed potatoes. A mountain of comfort.

11. French fries. YOLO.

fries

 

Happy eating, all!!